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Impeaching Bush

The following conversation was overheard in the U.S. Senate cloakroom. I was hidden behind a��cloak, so at first I couldn't see the faces of the interlocutors but, as can be easily discerned from their remarks, one was a Democrat, the other a Republican.




Democrat: Listen, Bill, don't you think this has gone far enough?

Republican: Don't I think what has gone far enough?

D: That asshole is gonna get us all un-re-elected.

R: Us yeah, but what do you guys have to worry about?

D: They're saying we shouldn't have let it happened, should have spoken up more.

R: Well, why didn't you?

D: Same reason y'all backed everything he wanted: fear of being called unpatriotic.

R: And not being re-elected.

D: Sure. But now it�s all coming together, with the Iraq disaster in the focus, the body bags, that broad camped out on the dickhead's doorstep, hurricanes and now Rove with his ass in a sling. Or do you think otherwise?

R: No, I don't think otherwise. And what about the deficit, the social security debacle, the environment, the ugly American label, etc. etc.

D: Yeah, and etc. It�s a black hole.

R: So what do you want to do about it at this late point in time?

D: (whispering) Impeach the mother_ _ _ _ _ _ (second half of word too low to hear).

R: (laughing) You gotta be kidding.

D: Not at all. I'm dead serious.

R: (no longer laughing) Okay, let�s suppose for a moment that it�s possible. What are we left with?

D: (long pause) Good God! Cheney. So let�s impeach both of them.

R: So then what have we got?

D: (longer pause) Good God! Rice.

R: Maybe we could convince her to resign.

D: (his turn to laugh)

R: Impeach her, too?

D: You got it.

R: So we're left with the Speaker of the House as President for three years, Who is he anyway � I mean now that DeLay is out?

D: I forget, but he�s a Republican.

R: Do you realize what this would do to the stock market?

D: Do you think I was born yesterday? Sell now, is my advice.

R: What�s the modus operandi?

D: You, a Republican, introduce the impeachment motion on the floor, I, a Democrat, second it.

R: No, this has gotta be a grassroots movement. You know, so we're forced to do it for the good of the country according to the people�s will � and all that shit.

D: Now you gotta be kidding. The people are asleep.

R: Yeah, well, something will turn up sooner or later.

D: Like what?

R: Beats me. Maybe Sandman Hussein will be re-elected president � of Iraq that is. Nice talking to you. I'm late for my squash game.

That's when I couldn't resist revealing myself. I stepped out from behind the cloak and said -
F: "Wait, I have something to tell you guys."

D: "Who the fuck are you?"

R: "Yeah, what are you doing here?"

F: "I'm a journalist, at the moment...sort of. Looking for a story...you know.

D: "Do you have a tape recorder?"

F: "Of course, do you think I'm an amateur?"

R: "If you quote us we're gonna sue the ass offa ya."

F: "No you're not."

R: "Who says? Do you know who we are?"

F: "No, and I don't want to know who you are."

D: "But..."

F: "And that's why you aren't gonna sue me. I'll identify you only as "Democrat" and "Republican"; I know which is which, I peeked.

R: "Wait a minute, John...I mean Democrat, maybe this isn't so bad."

D: "What do you mean, Bill...I mean Republican?

R: "Don't you see? The world gets to know that two leading senators are trying to find a way to get rid of Bushy and mob."

D: "Wow! Yeah. Who are you a reporter for, Mr...?"

F: "Smith."

R: "Oh, one of the Smith boys, heh? Who you tryin' to kid?"

F: "No, it's true; my father and grandfather were also Smiths. That's as far back as I know.

D: "Well, who do you report for?"

F: "The Southern Cross Review."

R: "At least you're from the South. You don't sound like a southerner though."

F: "I travel a lot. But look, I must admit that not the whole world reads the Review."

R: "Hmmm. Who owns it?"

F: "I do, I guess."

D: "What do you mean: you guess?"

F: "I mean that I own the domain name."

D: "You mean it's a blog? Jeez!"

F: "Not exactly."

R: "It doesn't matter, D; the web will pick it up."

D: "Yeah, the web picks up everything, including what I do Saturday nights."

F: "I'm not interested in that kind of thing, sir." (I decided to kiss ass a bit so they'd shut up and listen.)

D: "Good. Now what do you want to tell us?" (It worked.)

F: "It's the Constitution."

R: "What about it, boy?"

F: "It's a relic."

R: "What did you say? Are you attacking our Constitution, the Founding Fathers, Freedom, Democracy, Patriotism, George Washington, Abe Lincoln...?

D: "FDR?"

R: "Ha, ha! How about Clinton?"

D: "Why not? Just because he smokes Havanas..."

F: "No, no, I'm only saying that the Constitution was made for the past. What this country needs is a system that doesn't allow an imbecile like Bush to stay in office."

R: "I hope you ain't talkin' about communism."

F: "I'm talking about parliamentarianism."

D: "Good grief, can't you use shorter words?"

R: "Yeah, what's that - parla..parli...terrorism?"

F: "It's the system used by the European countries..."

D: "You mean France? Fuck them."

F: "France is sort of half and half, but the U.K., Germany, Holland - all the rest of them. Instead of a president they have a Prime minister who can be removed at any time by a vote of no-confidence. Even Canada has..."

R: "They still got kings and queens over there. I saw them on television. That's what our country stands for: no kings and queens. You should learn some history, boy."

D: "And what about Tony Blair? He's one of them Prime Ministers. Why haven't they kicked him out?"

F: "He's on his way."

D: "How do you know?"

F: "Trust me."

R: "Maybe this young fella's got something, D. We could hold a hearing 'bout it."

D: "I'm always in favor of hearings, lots of exposure."

R: (stretching out his hand to shake)"Just say 'a top level source' in your story, boy."

D: (stretching out his hand)"Top level bi-partisan sources, he means."

F: "Yes, sirs."

R: "You play squash, boy?"


F.T.S.