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Impeaching Bush

The following conversation was overheard in the U.S. Senate cloakroom. I was hidden behind a……cloak, so at first I couldn't see the faces of the interlocutors but, as can be easily discerned from their remarks, one was a Democrat, the other a Republican.

Democrat: Listen, Bill, don't you think this has gone far enough?

Republican: Don't I think what has gone far enough?

D: That asshole is gonna get us all un-re-elected.

R: Us yeah, but what do you guys have to worry about?

D: They're saying we shouldn't have let it happened, should have spoken up more.

R: Well, why didn't you?

D: Same reason y'all backed everything he wanted: fear of being called unpatriotic.

R: And not being re-elected.

D: Sure. But now it’s all coming together, with the Iraq disaster in the focus, the body bags, that broad camped out on the dickhead's doorstep, hurricanes and now Rove with his ass in a sling. Or do you think otherwise?

R: No, I don't think otherwise. And what about the deficit, the social security debacle, the environment, the ugly American label, etc. etc.

D: Yeah, and etc. It’s a black hole.

R: So what do you want to do about it at this late point in time?

D: (whispering) Impeach the mother_ _ _ _ _ _ (second half of word too low to hear).

R: (laughing) You gotta be kidding.

D: Not at all. I'm dead serious.

R: (no longer laughing) Okay, let’s suppose for a moment that it’s possible. What are we left with?

D: (long pause) Good God! Cheney. So let’s impeach both of them.

R: So then what have we got?

D: (longer pause) Good God! Rice.

R: Maybe we could convince her to resign.

D: (his turn to laugh)

R: Impeach her, too?

D: You got it.

R: So we're left with the Speaker of the House as President for three years, Who is he anyway – I mean now that DeLay is out?

D: I forget, but he’s a Republican.

R: Do you realize what this would do to the stock market?

D: Do you think I was born yesterday? Sell now, is my advice.

R: What’s the modus operandi?

D: You, a Republican, introduce the impeachment motion on the floor, I, a Democrat, second it.

R: No, this has gotta be a grassroots movement. You know, so we're forced to do it for the good of the country according to the people’s will – and all that shit.

D: Now you gotta be kidding. The people are asleep.

R: Yeah, well, something will turn up sooner or later.

D: Like what?

R: Beats me. Maybe Sandman Hussein will be re-elected president – of Iraq that is. Nice talking to you. I'm late for my squash game.

That's when I couldn't resist revealing myself. I stepped out from behind the cloak and said -
F: "Wait, I have something to tell you guys."

D: "Who the fuck are you?"

R: "Yeah, what are you doing here?"

F: "I'm a journalist, at the moment...sort of. Looking for a story...you know.

D: "Do you have a tape recorder?"

F: "Of course, do you think I'm an amateur?"

R: "If you quote us we're gonna sue the ass offa ya."

F: "No you're not."

R: "Who says? Do you know who we are?"

F: "No, and I don't want to know who you are."

D: "But..."

F: "And that's why you aren't gonna sue me. I'll identify you only as "Democrat" and "Republican"; I know which is which, I peeked.

R: "Wait a minute, John...I mean Democrat, maybe this isn't so bad."

D: "What do you mean, Bill...I mean Republican?

R: "Don't you see? The world gets to know that two leading senators are trying to find a way to get rid of Bushy and mob."

D: "Wow! Yeah. Who are you a reporter for, Mr...?"

F: "Smith."

R: "Oh, one of the Smith boys, heh? Who you tryin' to kid?"

F: "No, it's true; my father and grandfather were also Smiths. That's as far back as I know.

D: "Well, who do you report for?"

F: "The Southern Cross Review."

R: "At least you're from the South. You don't sound like a southerner though."

F: "I travel a lot. But look, I must admit that not the whole world reads the Review."

R: "Hmmm. Who owns it?"

F: "I do, I guess."

D: "What do you mean: you guess?"

F: "I mean that I own the domain name."

D: "You mean it's a blog? Jeez!"

F: "Not exactly."

R: "It doesn't matter, D; the web will pick it up."

D: "Yeah, the web picks up everything, including what I do Saturday nights."

F: "I'm not interested in that kind of thing, sir." (I decided to kiss ass a bit so they'd shut up and listen.)

D: "Good. Now what do you want to tell us?" (It worked.)

F: "It's the Constitution."

R: "What about it, boy?"

F: "It's a relic."

R: "What did you say? Are you attacking our Constitution, the Founding Fathers, Freedom, Democracy, Patriotism, George Washington, Abe Lincoln...?

D: "FDR?"

R: "Ha, ha! How about Clinton?"

D: "Why not? Just because he smokes Havanas..."

F: "No, no, I'm only saying that the Constitution was made for the past. What this country needs is a system that doesn't allow an imbecile like Bush to stay in office."

R: "I hope you ain't talkin' about communism."

F: "I'm talking about parliamentarianism."

D: "Good grief, can't you use shorter words?"

R: "Yeah, what's that - parla..parli...terrorism?"

F: "It's the system used by the European countries..."

D: "You mean France? Fuck them."

F: "France is sort of half and half, but the U.K., Germany, Holland - all the rest of them. Instead of a president they have a Prime minister who can be removed at any time by a vote of no-confidence. Even Canada has..."

R: "They still got kings and queens over there. I saw them on television. That's what our country stands for: no kings and queens. You should learn some history, boy."

D: "And what about Tony Blair? He's one of them Prime Ministers. Why haven't they kicked him out?"

F: "He's on his way."

D: "How do you know?"

F: "Trust me."

R: "Maybe this young fella's got something, D. We could hold a hearing 'bout it."

D: "I'm always in favor of hearings, lots of exposure."

R: (stretching out his hand to shake)"Just say 'a top level source' in your story, boy."

D: (stretching out his hand)"Top level bi-partisan sources, he means."

F: "Yes, sirs."

R: "You play squash, boy?"