Politically Correct Physics

Jeff Lindsay

Year 2005 Course Offerings at the

Scientific and Technical University
for Politically Intelligent Development

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Good News about S.T.U.P.I.D.

As of April 1, 2005, we have become the first university to ban all major forms of intolerance, including racial intolerance, gender intolerance, religious intolerance, and lactose intolerance. Violators are instantly expelled with no appeal.
We are an equal opportunity university specializing in higher-order thinking skills that provide students with raised consciousness, empowerment, and self-esteem. We are especially proud of our inclusionary policies which empower all members of society, regardless of differences in ability and background. For example, we were the first university in North America to ensure that every traffic sign on campus was not only printed in at least 5 languages, but is also marked in Braille. We are proud of our diversity and require gender and ethnic diversity from every student. All students accepted to S.T.U.P.I.D. are guaranteed passing grades and a successful graduation as a right. All students applying to S.T.U.P.I.D. are guaranteed admittance as long as our modest tuition requirements and entrance fees are paid - and we work hard to help students get the federal and state grants they deserve to attend our university. Competition is out - all classes operate on the principles of cooperative learning, self-directed learning, learning-to-learn, and active nurturing. This is facilitated by our well supplied computer and multimedia labs, now with Super Sega CD and Enhanced Super Nintendo. S.T.U.P.I.D. - the ultimate adventure in modern education.

Funding for S.T.U.P.I.D. is generously provided by the taxpayers of the United States. Most of our budget comes from the $80 million a year our newly founded Medical College receives from the U.S. government to not produce any more physicians (just like real medical schools in New York). Our Department of Physics also receives $10 million a year in Federal grants to not produce any physicians.

Our revolutionary, inclusionary approach allows all students to excel in physics. Those who dread math and equations have nothing to fear with us, for we understand that modern mathematics and traditional equation-based paradigms for physics are Eurocentric tools for institutionalized racism, designed to further oppress indigenous peoples and the underclasses, especially the mathematically impaired. We emphasize REAL WORLD PHYSICS - the kind that you can see and visualize with actual figurines and real-world objects like cheese graters and six-packs. Indeed, our recent survey of highly successful adults (from a large and diverse sample of season-ticket holders at a recent Packers game) shows that NONE had any need to solve differential equations in the past year (none of the sober ones, that is - claims to the contrary by several highly inebriated fans were discounted as not fully credible). If they don't need it, neither do you. What they and you do need, however, is a human-centered education focussed on authentic paradigms of self-worth and interactional nurturing. And we deliver like no other university can - in spite of our many imitators. For authentic, real-world education, accept no substitutes. Get S.T.U.P.I.D.!

P.C. Physics 2005 Course Offerings

P101 - Freshperson Physics (formerly "Freshman Physics"): Toward a Higher Awareness

Traditional Eurocentric physics must be excised if students are to achieve higher consciousness. The restrictive ideology of Newton, with its emphasis on action and reaction, is exposed as reactionary propaganda, used for centuries to oppress indigenous peoples and institutionalize fear and hate. The prohibitive, traditional "laws" of physics must be rejected in favor of new models that foster tolerance, empowerment, and social justice. Under the old order, radical conservative forces have imposed "conservative" laws restricting the use of energy, mass, momentum, and electrical charge. Rather than conserving such forces and powers, they must be increased and made available to all people, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation. Students are instructed in the revolutionary New Physics and are encouraged to promote awareness through demonstrations and other media events.

P115 - Contributions of the Vertically Challenged in Physics

Startling new evidence confirms that most great physicists were vertically challenged (or "short," as bigots are wont to say). Unfortunately, repressive social norms forced many scientists to strive to appear vertically gifted in order to maintain credibility with the masses. Some never publicly came out about their true vertical orientation, but were still privately active in the vertically challenged subculture. This course examines how the vertically challenged status of Newton, Galileo, Einstein, Bohr, and many others contributed to their success as scientists.

P116 - Quantum Mechanics: Contributions of Indigenous Peoples

Most textbooks on physics, written by the ruling Eurocentric white male class, have completely ignored the fundamental contributions of indigenous peoples toward our understanding of quantum mechanics. This course seeks to rectify past wrongs by focusing on the achievements in quantum mechanics of peoples such as the Aleutian Indians, the Australian Aborigines, and Karen tribes of Thailand. Extra credit and reduced homework loads are available to members of oppressed groups.

P221 - White Male Oppression in Nuclear Physics

For centuries, white males have used the rhetoric and the tools of physics - especially nuclear physics - to suppress other classes. Bigoted labeling of subatomic particles, such as "negative" for the charge of the electron or "uncharmed" for some quarks, implies that some particles are better than others, which in turn is used to strengthen repressive norms of racial and gender inequality. Students will explore more holistic approaches to physics and learn how to turn physics into a New Age tool of class struggle to overthrow oppression.

P269 - Holding the Universe Together:
The Crucial Role of Matter of Color

For decades, a dirty little secret of the scientific establishment has been crucial importance of matter of color - formerly called by the racial epithet, "dark matter." Though white establishment scientists have tried every avenue to find another explanation, they have been unable to escape the truth: matter of color is what holds the whole universe together, accounting for a majority of the gravitational attraction of the universe. Matter of color can no longer be swept under the rugs of the elite. It can no longer be swept into the dust bin of scientific history or trampled under the feet of oppressors. Matter of color is on the rise, and is much more important than "ordinary matter" - more properly termed "honkey matter." Students in this course will develop pride in the role of matter of color and understand the racist politics that kept it suppressed from public knowledge for so long. Students will also stage awareness rallies, marches, and protests to enhance public awareness of matter of color.

P287 - Feminist Cosmology

The Big Bang Model is exposed a purely male paradigm, deliberately replete with male sexual symbolism in order to deny empowerment to women. A more progressive feminine cosmology, the Gentle Nurturing, is offered to replaced the male Big Bang theory. The Gentle Nurturing model views the origin of the universe as lengthy period of gradual gestation, followed by steady nurturing, rather than a sudden eruption. The male originators of the Big Bang theory are examined critically for their role in maintaining an oppressive order through the manipulation of physics. The new paradigm shows that we are part of an interconnected cosmic entity which must be further nurtured and protected from the harms inflicted by the radical right.

P326 - Advanced Psychophysics

This specialized course for physics majors only teaches students to achieve high levels of cosmic awareness by tapping into the universal consciousness that engulfs us all. Such higher order thinking skills are developed by cooperative quantum reconstruction and self-directed neural empowerment sessions with the assistance of Tarot cards, Ouija boards, energy crystals, and altered states of consciousness. Students not only develop their psychic gifts, but learn how to effectively market them in fields such as Celebrity Counseling, Political Psychotherapy (including tips on White House protocol), and Forensic Psychozoology (using psychic gifts to identify which corporations have harmed protected species). Teaching assistants are available in the form of personal spirit guides.

P331 - Gaia, the Atomic Mother

Past studies of Gaia as the self-regulating life force of mother earth have been too narrow in their vision. A new framework for physics shows that Gaia originates at the atomic level, where each atom is alive and connected to the cosmic consciousness, directly influencing universal karma. This breakthrough in human consciousness, finally accessing the astral energies of the atom itself, reveals the horror of man's sins (but not womyn's) against nature in the twentieth century. Splitting the atom, for example, is now seen as the ultimate act of violence. Our assault on the atomic world may account for much of the clash between man and nature, including the recent escalation in lightning strikes. This course will show students new approaches to life and energy to heal the wounds we have inflicted to the atomic world, including the damaged self-esteem to electrons and other particles afflicted with judgmental labels by bigoted scientists. Prerequisite: P221.

P349 - Quantum Ontological Hermeneutics:
A Neo-Reconstructionist Approach

In our apparently jointly covariant four-dimensional manifold of space-time events, normalized metric fields for our specific worldline are shown to be inadequate for a self-consistent relativistic cosmology. In fact, such a cosmology can be shown to be intrinsically tied to subjective, positivist hermeneutics and not substantive invariants, meaning that we probably do not exist - not merely in spite of our subjectively perceived reality, but precisely because our reality is perceived subjectively, not objectively. Once this theoretical foundation has been established in the first week of class, students are dismissed for the remainder of the semester since none of this really matters anyway. Instead, coupons are provided for discounts on bowling and golf. Extra credit is given for attendance at Green Bay Packer games.

P382 - Social Justice at the Subatomic Level

Physicists must take the lead in the armed struggle for social justice at all levels of society, including the previously overlooked quantum level. Conservative laws for mass and energy must be replaced with radical, progressive paradigms based on just redistribution of mass and charge to achieve true parity. (Equality of mass and charge deserve special attention, for mass is equivalent to wealth, and charge, of course, relates to the ability to borrow wealth. Oppressor classes use the present inequity at the subatomic level to justify inequity with wealth and credit at the human level.) With a strident activist approach, students will see social justice in action as oppressed photons, neutrinos, and other particles are finally given their fare share of mass and charge. Unless student uprisings and other people's movements succeed, the mass-rich (e.g., black holes) will get richer, while the mass-poor (e.g., interstellar hydrogen clouds) get poorer.

P482 - Feng Shui Physics

New Course in 2005!!
Feng Shui, with its emphasis on the flow of energy, particularly qi energy, will first be explored in terms of Maxwell's formulas for electromagnetism to understand the basics of qi optimization, especially in kitchens and bathrooms. Students will then apply Schroedinger's equation to solve more complex problems, such as where to place a round table in a square room, or how many rocks are needed to make a rock garden look nice. Computational quantum chromodynamics in multiple dimensions will ultimately be invoked--without normalization--to lay a foundation for choosing the right wallpaper to maintain spatial harmony and to help a room look groovy. Extra credit will be given for Feng Shui-style body piercing, with geneous discounts available at the campus piercing clinic for enrolled students.

The Scientific and Technical University for Politically Intelligent Development is a fully accredited non-profit institution of higher multicultural learning. The University is an Equal Opportunity institution, working to provide equality and empowerment for all. Reactionaries and members of oppressor classes need not apply.

We are also proud supporters of ACNE - the American Collage Network for Educators, a support group to encourage educators to keep on using COLLAGE as an all-purpose educational tool. Some of our classes have eliminated textbooks altogether because students can explore the world of physics much more effectively using the higher-order thinking skills and student-centered interactive cooperative cross-disciplinary education that comes from cutting and pasting photos from old magazines (plus we're recycling at the same time!). .

? Jeff Lindsay
[email protected]

We asked Jeff for permission to reprint this article, but he didn't reply. So we figured that with the copyright notice and the link to his page he wouldn't object, especially as the information contained herein could revolutionize scientific educational thinking.