What Happens after Judgment Day

by Joel A. Wendt

In the dark of the night, when your back hurts (level 11.5 on a scale of 1 to 10), and you are waiting for the drugs (acetaminophen and oxycodone) to kick in, and after the battery-is-empty-alarm has gone off on the smoke detector, and you can't pry the damn thing of the wall, yet the only thing that works is a prayer to your recently deceased girl friend's mother who does manage to make the alarm behave and shut up (thank heaven for ghosts who like you), it's probably not a good idea to take out your credit card and go to Amazon.com looking to see what Peter Hamilton, William Gibson, and Richard Morgan have been up to.

I think Amazon is renting an extra truck just to deliver what I bought. But then it is 15 degrees outside, although last night it was 10, but who's counting. My well developed Jedi weather sense did tell me yesterday that when you get February cold snaps in early January, that Spring will come early this year, because while we can fuck up the weather while it's trying to do a major climate change, the Seasons are resistant to extreme fluctuations, which means that while a February cold-snap in early January can only signal an early Spring, its not a good predictor of the March snowfalls that will precede that Spring, except in the sense that the Loki-Weather spirits are really likely to do the "yes we can make it snow three feet every 7 or 8 days throughout March and into April first” dance.

Meanwhile, the weirdness factor has jumped up, and while I do enjoy having 175 Facebook friends, I maybe should reconsider adding just anyone who asks, because for 10 days now I've been getting e-mails from people who invite me to join in e-mail arguments over subjects so obscure that the latest guy informed me that the NSA and aliens were blocking all his e-mails, so he warned me that even though he badly needed me to reply, I might not get through.

This is true, and yes funny. The worst thing of all is yesterday I started watching Fox Noise, because I realize that what they were really up to was a whole new level of comedy. Given the general state of the world, and with Bill Maher having fallen off the edge of the every Muslim is a mad terrorist cliff, and yes, Jon Stewart is getting even funnier, but we are losing Stephen Colbert to main stream television, so somebody had to step into the breach and increase the level of absurdity, so thank our lucky stars, Fox stepped right up. I know it seems a bit odd, but you know these weird diagrams that look one way, until you internally shift your point of view, I've discovered that with Fox all you have to do is realize that they so jealous of The Daily Show, but so scared of the ratings that are disappearing, that all you have to do is watch them and imagine them wearing clown makeup, and I kid you not, they are better than some of those mushrooms I used to eat in the '70's.

Just for fun I sent a little prayer out to Rudolf Steiner, asking about him and humor, and he replied instantly that WTF did I think all those books and lectures were about. His hardest job when incarnated was keeping a straight face, not because what he said wasn't true, for it certainly was, but people were so serious about everything.

Part of his job was to get us to be so excessively serious about the state of reality that eventually we'd get it that this was the Age of Everyone has a Stick up their Ass. Had to happen, so the Gods just brought us all to the same party, just so the resulting disaster would happen and maybe we might get over ourselves. We could even start getting back to what every little kid knows, which is that existence is the most fun and coolest thing ever, so stop being so serious about it all, and go make some mud pies, after which just lay back in the sun and realize God made the world for pleasure, and it was well past time to get over it - “it” being that whatever shit that sticks in our craw and makes us think we have to go out and fix something.

I started to argue about rape and war and child abuse and all that and he said for sure there are a lot if dickheads around right now, but they will get theirs in the afterlife ... God's Justice is pretty awesome when you get down to it. Wilie E. Coyote never does catch the Road Runner, because when that time finally comes, he'll discover it's himself he's been chasing all over creation since forever.

Plus, think about this ... quadzillions of sunsets, not one of them ever wasted. Same with people, stick up their asses and all. Want to know what happens after the Day of Judgment? We spend the rest of Eternity watching each others' reruns. Never gets boring, ever.

Joel A Wendt was born in Montana in 1940.  Pre-seminary degree from Denver Univ. 1964, Law Degree from Univ. of Montana 1967.  5 kids, from two different wives.  Addict in recovery since 1987.  Like movies, tv, and science fiction novels.  Getting old (74), still too fat, and madly in love with his girl friend.  Writing a screenplay about Civics.  Favorite movie: Groundhog Day.  Spent a lot of his life earning a living at too many different kinds of jobs, with the saving grace of an avocation in philosophy:

Share the hope, take no prisoners, and laugh your ass off at every opportunity.”


March 2015